What I should have said.

Everyone’s been there. Someone says something to you and instead of the stuttered reply you manage in real life, five minutes later you have the perfect reply and wish you could think fast enough to have rolled it out at the time. However, through the wonder of the internet I can now have the opportunity to put that right.

So to the pedestrian who had a go at me on a morning where I had already started badly by having to dig out dry cycling kit after being effectively hosed down by the rain the night before, here is my considered reply:

“Look lady, I’m doing absolutely nothing wrong riding past traffic on the nearside. In fact it’s in the Highway Code and everything. I even stopped before the white line for the traffic lights which were red, legally and safely.

You, on the other hand, were crossing the road in an unsafe way and even walking up the carriageway, rather than on the pavement between the bus and the kerb. I know you were aiming to cross at the pelican crossing a few metres up the road, but in actual fact that crossing was closed due to the gas works taking place and so you were being redirected to another crossing further up the road, which you couldn’t be bothered to walk to. By stepping out in front of me you were basically jaywalking and have no right to be annoyed that I was there. You moaned that I nearly hit you, but I would argue that you nearly walked into me, and I did all I could to avoid hitting you. Successfully I think you’ll find.

Really you should be thanking me for being aware and a good enough cyclist to avoid you and not end up with you suffering for your recklessness, instead of shouting your disapproval of cyclists. In fact, although not famed for their tolerance of bikes, a guy working on the roadworks for the gas repairs actually bothered to take time to agree with me. I guess that would make you pretty wrong?”

Although, obviously, what I actually said was just “you shouldn’t be in the road”, which didn’t really cover it to the full extent that I was looking for. Oh well. I bet she doesn’t exactly trawl the internet for bike commuting blogs either so she’ll never realise the full power of my argument.

A